WHAT TO AVOID IN AN ARGUMENT
Becoming a master at interpersonal communication is one of the hallmarks of a great leader. That’s why I’m gonna share with you eight psychological tricks to win in every argument.
Number one is no name calling. Name calling never helps interpersonal conflict.
So as a leader, parent, spouse, or friend leave the name calling out of the conversation. It’s already going to be heated enough without anything that is going to accelerate the emotions.
Number two is no cussing. Even if you cuss normally, be specific and deliberate about not cussing whenever you are in an argument. Cussing elevates the energy and the emotion of the conflict and that’s exactly what you’re trying to avoid.
Number three is no yelling. You have to control your voice because the volume of the conversation parallels its emotional intensity. The volume of the conversation parallels the emotional intensity of the conversation.
Even if the other person is yelling, then you need to diffuse the situation by responding softly.
The quieter you are, the more powerfully direct you can be with your words.
Number four is don’t speak in generalizations. This is one of the biggest ways that these conversations go sideways.
What are generalizations? Generalizations are trademarked by phrases like, “You always….,” or “You never…..” In arguments, people get hung up on the small inaccuracies and that takes their focus off the big picture.
Number five is, don’t get defensive.
The number one thing that happens when you become defensive is you will try to deflect the accusations you’re receiving.
What matters in an argument is not so much about who is right it’s that the other side has to feel heard. If they don’t feel heard, all they’re gonna do is become more stubborn and you’re not actually going to be talking about the issue. You’re just gonna be responding emotionally and you’re never gonna make any progress together.
The key here is that when somebody attacks you resist the temptation to defend yourself. Instead lean into it by asking questions like, “Can you give me an example of what you’re talking about?”
A lot of the time people in arguments just want to feel heard and respected.
Now, let’s talk about the three things that you should do.
HOW TO WIN EVERY ARGUMENT
So the first thing is to start with what you both agree on.
People in conflict immediately go to the point of contention and they ignore the fact that often they agree on 95% of the situation.
Go as far back in time or as high level as you need to reach an agreement.
When you start by focusing on what you both agree on, you can actually identify the issue and move on to solving it.
The second thing that you should do is focus on facts, not feelings. The more specific, the more terrific.
Zoom in on minute details until you can find something you both can agree on.
If you do that, you’ll get to the real issue faster.
The third and final trick is to be more committed to finding what is right, rather than who is right.
Not being able to admit you’ve made a mistake and focusing on how to solve it, is a fatal leadership flaw.
Don’t be a lawyer trying to make a case, be an explorer, trying to find the right answer. That is the huge difference in mindset between people who win arguments and people who create conflict.
Use these eight tricks if you want to start winning your arguments.
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