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The Radical Response to Dealing with Mean People


Meanness is a sign of weakness.

People who are strong, confident and secure do not attack other people.

Because people who are strong, confident and secure don’t derive their strength based upon their relationships to other people.

True self-esteem, true peace, and true contentment is the internal result of knowing you’ve done everything in your power to the best of your ability. It’s the byproduct of controlling what you can control, being grateful for what you have, and is not dependent on other people or outside circumstances.

So if you encounter someone who is mean, it is a glaring sign that they are struggling with something.

They are struggling with pain.

Remember only hurt people, ever hurt people.

Happy people don’t hurt people. They have no reason to and nothing to gain. You only hurt others if you feel you have something to gain from it.

Anger then, is an indulgent expression that results from an unhappiness or frustration with one’s own situation.

Being mean is foolproof evidence that someone is lacking something from their own life.

It is only when we are lacking something from our own life that we then resort to deriving our value from positioning ourselves in comparison to others. Namely, the attacking, criticizing, or condemning of others is used as a mechanism for elevating ourselves over another person or group of people.

At least that’s what we are trying to do subconsciously when we are mean to people. In reality of course, being mean to others is only a reflection of our own weakness and is not something that other strong, mature, and intelligent people are ever drawn to.

But it leaves the question, “what do you do when someone is mean to you?”

Should you retaliate?

Should you justify your own position?

Should you just ignore them?

That decision is yours, but I’ve tried all three and none of those responses seem to create lasting resolution because none of them deal with the root issue that is causing someone to be mean, which is pain.

People who are mean are experiencing some kind of pain.

They are hurt.

They have taken a beating.

They have experienced some type of loss.

You may never get to know what that pain is or what caused it but if you can remember that they are definitely dealing with some type of deep pain, and remind yourself of that, then your response becomes clear.

You should treat them in the way you would treat anyone experiencing pain.

You love them.

You pray for them.

You care for them.

You support them.

It is not easy to do that. It is not simple to do that. It is not popular to do that.

It takes extraordinary discipline, awareness, and maturity to do that.

But if you do it, it will create radical transformation – if not in their life, definitely in yours.

Improving Self-Discipline & How to Do Things You Don’t Want to Do – Part 3

We all have moments of weakness. Moments when we simply don’t want to do the things we know we need to in order to accomplish the things we said we wanted.

12 years ago I remember being confronted with the fear of rejection from knocking on another door.

8 years ago I remember being 40 pounds heavier than I am right now and just feeling so tired that I couldn’t get back on the treadmill.

4 years ago I remember being terrified that my goal of being a bestselling author was just impossible and unrealistic and I didn’t have any hope or clarity for how to pull it off.

Last week I remember feeling stress and anxiety about wanting to put off a difficult conversation that needed to be had with someone that I love because I was scared that the confrontation might result in a permanent separation.

We all have moments of weakness. And one thing that has consistently helped me through those moments in my life is to read. Read your vision. Read your affirmations. Read a book that will remind you that you’re making the right decisions and doing the right actions to be successful.

When you can’t find your own strength; draft off the strength of others.

Fantasy Land

Few things are more dangerous to relationships than a man with a lack of self-awareness.

Weaknesses can be worked on, but if you can’t see your weaknesses, you can’t work on them.

Living with an inflated view of his own strengths and contributions, the consequences of this man’s weaknesses start to show up in his life and impact the people around him. Inevitably, people start rebuking him a certain way in response to those weaknesses. But they passively reject his ways of being as unacceptable because no one wants to be the one that tells him he isn’t as good as he thinks he is.

No one wants to be the person that ruins his fantasyland; they’re not sure they have the strength to do it and they’re not sure he has the strength to handle it.

Worse yet, as he continues to live in his false reality, he can’t understand why he is being pushed away and so he presses harder at trying to make the world around him bend to his ideologies. Like a protruding wedge he forces and fights into the world around him in the only way he knows how – through his standard negative modus operandi. The more people gently resist the more he fights back and pushes creating even more conflict until those around him can’t bear it.

Someone will have to lay it down for him and bring him to reality…OR he’ll have to wake up on his own and realize for himself what his own strengths and weaknesses are. Either way, his bubble will burst.

Are you keeping it real with yourself, or are you living in a Fantasy Land?