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The 5 Love Languages for Leaders with Dr. Gary Chapman – Episode 206 of The Action Catalyst Podcast


Dr. Gary Chapman has degrees from some of the most respected colleges and seminaries. He’s written some of the best-selling books of the past decade and appeared on thousands of radio and television programs across the country. But Dr. Gary Chapman knows more than just a lot of scholarly theories and practical advice—he knows people. He knows how to relate to people, how to have fun and how to make people laugh.

Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars. He hosts a nationally syndicated radio program, Love Language Minute, and a Saturday morning program, Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, that air on more than 400 stations. The 5 Love Languages, one of Chapman’s most popular titles, topped various bestseller charts for years. It has been published in 50 languages, sold more than ten million copies and is currently on the New York Times best-seller list. 2017 marks the 25th anniversary of The 5 Love Languages book.  Chapman has been directly involved in real-life family counseling for more than 35 years. Dr. Chapman also serves as senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Chapman is a graduate of Moody Bible Institute and holds B.A. and M.A. degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively. He has received M.R.E. and Ph.D. degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and taken postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University. Chapman and his wife, Karolyn, have been married for more than 45 years and reside in Winston-Salem, N.C. The Chapmans have two grown children, Shelley and Derek.

Show Highlights:

The 5 love languages applied to leadership with @DrGaryChapman

Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21

Actions speak louder than words when acts of service is your primary love language. @DrGaryChapman

It’s universal to give gifts as acts of love. @DrGaryChapman

Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. @DrGaryChapman

We have long known the power of physical touch. @DrGaryChapman

Out of the 5 love languages, each of us has a primary love language. @DrGaryChapman

When you realize the importance of quality time, it is easy to carve out time for it. @DrGaryChapman

All 5 languages can be learned. @DrGaryChapman

64% of people who leave a job say they left primarily because they didn’t feel appreciated. @DrGaryChapman

If they feel loved, they will stay. If they do not feel loved, they will leave. @rory_vaden

10 phrases you can never say too often as a leader. @rory_vaden

5 acts of service you should engage in to increase the morale and retention in business. @rory_vaden


This is a special extended interview! Send an email to with your first name in the subject line to gain access!

Learn more from Dr. Gary Chapman at and

The Action Catalyst is a weekly podcast hosted by Rory Vaden of Southwestern Consulting every Wednesday. The show is regularly in the Top 25 of Business News Podcasts, has listeners from all around the world and shares “insights and inspiration to help you take action.” Each week Rory shares ideas on how to increase your self-discipline and make better use of your time to help you achieve your goals in life. He also interviews special expert guests and thought leaders. Subscribe on iTunes and please leave a rating and review!

The Determinant of One’s Happiness

The Determinant of One's Happiness

One of the most empowering and sometimes simultaneously destructive truths is that you always find what you’re looking for.

If you look for the positive in a person, an event, a scenario or a situation, then you will find something positive.

If you look for the negative in a person, an event, a scenario or a situation, then you will find something negative.

Which suggests that it matters much less what is, and matters much more what you think about what is.

You then, are the author of your own life.

You are the creator of your own happiness or unhappiness.

Your positivity or negativity is completely your own fault.

What we need to train ourselves to do then is not to spend so much time looking for a better situation, thinking that there is an easier way, or wishing some person was different.

Instead, we need to train ourselves to see the positive in whatever it is we are looking at.

We need to focus on looking for the positive in each scenario.

We need to be intentional about finding the good in every circumstance.

And we need to be deliberate about seeing the best in other people.

We need to notice what is right with the world and what is right with the people in our world.

Because it is a peculiar truth of the human mind that we often care less about accuracy and more about just proving ourselves right.

So whatever we decide to be true about ourselves, our friends, our jobs, and our circumstances is what our brain will seek to validate as right.

Our brain typically searches for and recognizes only the information that supports its original premise.

So be careful.

Be careful what you choose.

Because whether you choose to see the positive or the negative is what is likely to actually become true for your life and be the determinant of your happiness.

How to Protect Romantic Relationships

romantic relationship It is amazing to me how vulnerable even long-term romantic relationships are at any given point.

I think too often we place an undue amount of credit on the amount of time we have had a relationship.

We assume that just because we have been with someone for a long time that our relationship is somehow more protected than that of new relationships.

But in fact regardless of how long anyone has been in a relationship, it can completely self-destruct in one mere moment of indiscretion.

And it is a sobering but important realization to know that there are other people out there that would love to be with your spouse or significant other.

Someone who would have the automatic advantage of newness, excitement, and mystery working in their favor should they ever attempt to engage with your significant other.

So then there is no such automatic protection granted to a relationship simply because of the factor of how long two people have been together.

Quite the contrary, as spouses all we really have is a head start compared to some other person.

Sure we have the advantage of previous commitments, shared history, and a trusted bond. And while those things can and often do count for a lot, they do not make our relationship 100% immune to intense emotions, bad circumstances, and poor choices.

So instead of taking our relationship for granted, and automatically assuming that our spouse will always be ours just because they have been, we have to instead always be working on our relationship in the way that brand-new lovers would.

We have to constantly be pursuing our significant other.

We have to be courting them.

We have to be romancing them.

We have to be chasing them.

We have to show them that we still want them and that we are willing to work to keep them.

Because all we really have is a head start.

Bombs, Buildings, and Blow-Ups: Hurt People, Hurt People

Bombs, buildings, and blow-ups have unfortunately been a big part of the timeline of my life.

Oklahoma City

It goes on and on…

It’s sad that violence at a school, another celebrity murder, and a terrorist attack has become as commonplace as bureaucrats disagreeing.

I’m ashamed to admit it but nothing surprises me anymore. Every time I hear about it, my heart breaks for the people involved, then I count my blessings that I am so lucky to not have been directly affected by it, but then the cowardly passive next part of my honest response is “might as well get on with my day because it happens all the time.  It sucks but what can ya do?”

But now with all the news and noise about these tragedies I’m realizing for the first time that we are still ironically numb to the real deal about what causes this stuff.

It’s not guns.
It’s not bad parents.
It’s not bad schools.
It’s not evil governments.

It’s this: People who are lonely, broken, crushed, humiliated, judged, oppressed, and scared eventually reach a point that the only way to feel important, noticed, respected, and valued is to get back at the world by committing horrendous acts of violence against themselves and others.

It doesn’t matter if it’s bombs, buildings, blow-ups, divorce, debt, or depression, the bottom line is: hurt people, hurt people.

You can be pissed off that this keeps happening: I am. You can get angry at the people that do this: I am. You can challenge our societal structures to get better: I am.

But if you really want to do something that changes the world.

Love the damn person standing next to you.

If you do that and I do that then eventually this crap stops. If we don’t do that then the next time it happens, it’s not someone else’s fault…it’s my fault. It’s your fault.


But someone told us the secret 2000 years ago. That is…

Love NEVER fails.