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One Way to Not Lose Friends – But Why We Often Do


Its unfortunate that we often judge other people by their actions but judge ourselves by our intentions.

When other people mess up it’s easy and natural for us to point out their mistakes, highlight them, and use them as evidence for why they aren’t capable or worthy of our praise.

Yet when we mess up, it’s easy and natural for us to defend ourselves by trying to explain and articulate to other people what we really meant to say or what we were really trying to do.

The reason we do that is not because we’re bad people. We do it because we simply have access to the information of knowing what our intentions are and we often don’t know the explicit intentions of others.

We know that the way it came out was not what we really meant to say and that it sounded much worse than we actually think or feel.

We know  that the way other people interpreted our behavior isn’t an accurate reflection of what we were really trying to do.

We  know that because it is us.

But a lot of times we don’t know what another person’s intentions were.

And so all we have to go on is our immediate interpretation of their actions.

Many times though, that is a shame. Because it causes us to assume the worst about people when there is perhaps another viable and reasonable explanation.

It’s a shame when we allow ourselves to get angry at others, misinterpret others, or distrust others without exploring what was really going on.

Too often it causes us to lose friends that we never should’ve lost.

Perhaps that is why there is so much wisdom to the phase, “’tis better to seek to understand than to be understood.”

Seek to understand..

It gives us a chance for reasonable explanation.

It gives us a chance for clear representation.

It gives us a chance for possible reconciliation.

Because we spend time exploring what someone’s actual intentions were.

The valuable technique here is to learn to generously give people “the benefit of the doubt.”

To assume the best in people and not the worst.

To believe there is some explanation and not an intention to do evil.

Especially with the vast majority of the people we know and are around every day, they generally have good intentions.

There are relatively few people who are ruthlessly evil, completely self-serving or deliberately sabotaging.

But there is a lot of room for misinterpretation and miscommunication.

That is just because there are so many unique ways to look at a topic, event, or idea from a different point of view.

But just because someone has a different point of view doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give them the benefit of the doubt.

If anything, it’s cause to embrace and explore what their view point is so that we can learn from it.

With ourselves though, we can be more strict and demanding. We can push ourselves to be more considerate of how other people might interpret what we do or say.

We can look beyond just our intentions and challenge ourselves to make sure that there is less room for misinterpretation of our actions.

We already know that we have the best of intentions and so we can strive to make sure that we take action in a way that it is most likely to be viewed as positive.

We can help try to save people from having to question our intentions.

So, if anything, perhaps we should flip things around from the natural way we sometimes live.

Instead of judging others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions…

Maybe we should generally give other people the benefit of the doubt by assuming they have good intentions, yet push ourselves to deliberately consider how we will affect others through our actions.

Dave Murray: Servant Selling and utilizing Customer Intelligence – Episode 156 of The Action Catalyst Podcast

customer intelligence


Dave Murray, a former client of The DiJulius Group, joined The DiJulius Group after 20 years of experience in Customer service, marketing, and sales, primarily in the sports and entertainment industry. Dave’s experience has varied from leading call centers and front-line team members, to working closely with key partners and stakeholders.

Dave has been personally trained on the methodology created by John DiJulius, and uses it regularly with clients including Anytime Fitness, Carnival Cruise Lines, TravelCenters of America, and many more. As a Senior Customer Experience Consultant with The DiJulius Group, Dave leads clients in generating ideas, turning those ideas into systems, and then implementing and executing them enterprise wide. He is also an accomplished keynote speaker full of insight and wit; leaving audiences motivated, entertained and walking away with great content to implement immediately.

Show Highlights:

  • A lot of businesses see customer experience as an expense instead of an investment. @DavidDMurray
  • The experience you provide is the one true way to differentiate yourself from the competition. @DavidDMurray
  • A successful customer service statement is one that every employee in the company understands, recognizes what it means for their roll and knows how to act on it. @DavidDMurray
  • Be aware of how you treat every person you contact within the company, even the doorkeeper. @DavidDMurray
  • Think beyond that singular transaction. @DavidDMurray
  • Make the most of the time you have with your customer, listen and build your customer intelligence. @DavidDMurray
  • Products can be produced, knowledge can be reproduced, but customer experience remains a big deal. @rory_vaden
  • It takes incredible intention, discipline and commitment to break away from selfishness and move toward selflessness. @rory_vaden
  • If we treat people as a transaction that is all we will get – one sale, one exchange at best. @rory_vaden
  • If we think of people as long term, we will get a long term relationship. @rory_vaden
  • The key to getting long term business is thinking of the person as someone you will have a long term relationship with. @rory_vaden
  • Key to servant selling – Think long term. @rory_vaden
  • Gold nuggets are information that may have no value to you short term but are huge in the long term. @rory_vaden
  • Part of servant selling is making effort to care about people. @rory_vaden
  • You first build a relationship then sell out of that relationship, not the other way around. @rory_vaden
  • It starts with a decision and discipline to start paying attention. @r0ry_vaden

To lean more and save your spot for the Secret Service Summit coming up September 29th and 30th visit

Find more on Dave Murray and the Dijulius Group by clicking here.

The Action Catalyst is a weekly podcast hosted by Rory Vaden of Southwestern Consulting™ every Wednesday. The show is regularly in the Top 25 of Business News Podcasts, has listeners from all around the world and shares “insights and inspiration to help you take action.” Each week Rory shares ideas on how to increase your self-discipline and make better use of your time to help you achieve your goals in life. He also interviews special expert guests and thought leaders. Subscribe on iTunes and please leave a rating and review!

How long are you going to wait?


How Long are you going to wait

What is it going to take to get you to act?

How many days are you going to let pass while you think about your dream but never act on it?

And what exactly are you waiting for?

What if you were the only person who could do what you were designed to do?

What if no one else existed with the capacity and ability to do what you could do?

And what if you missed it?

What if you waited too long?

What if you missed your chance to make a difference?

What if you missed your chance to do the thing that only you could do?

How would that feel?

What would you tell your kids?

What would you tell yourself?

Because that’s how it is.

That is what happens when you don’t act.

That is what happens when you don’t do what you know you should do.

That is what happens when you procrastinate.

Don’t be that person.

Don’t lose that dream.

You were born for greatness.

You were born for a purpose.

You were born with a specific intention for your life laid out by God that no one else can fill.

Today is the day.

Now is the time.

The time to act.

The time to leave fear behind.

The time to do the thing that you know you were meant to do.

The time to make a difference.

Don’t be the one who looks back and says “it’s too late.”

Don’t be the one who says “I wonder if I could’ve.”

Be the one who says I did.

I changed the damn world.

I reshaped the future.

I did what no one else could do.

I made a difference.

I mattered.

I did it.