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How to Protect Romantic Relationships

romantic relationship It is amazing to me how vulnerable even long-term romantic relationships are at any given point.

I think too often we place an undue amount of credit on the amount of time we have had a relationship.

We assume that just because we have been with someone for a long time that our relationship is somehow more protected than that of new relationships.

But in fact regardless of how long anyone has been in a relationship, it can completely self-destruct in one mere moment of indiscretion.

And it is a sobering but important realization to know that there are other people out there that would love to be with your spouse or significant other.

Someone who would have the automatic advantage of newness, excitement, and mystery working in their favor should they ever attempt to engage with your significant other.

So then there is no such automatic protection granted to a relationship simply because of the factor of how long two people have been together.

Quite the contrary, as spouses all we really have is a head start compared to some other person.

Sure we have the advantage of previous commitments, shared history, and a trusted bond. And while those things can and often do count for a lot, they do not make our relationship 100% immune to intense emotions, bad circumstances, and poor choices.

So instead of taking our relationship for granted, and automatically assuming that our spouse will always be ours just because they have been, we have to instead always be working on our relationship in the way that brand-new lovers would.

We have to constantly be pursuing our significant other.

We have to be courting them.

We have to be romancing them.

We have to be chasing them.

We have to show them that we still want them and that we are willing to work to keep them.

Because all we really have is a head start.

How to Fight: 10 Rules of Relationship Conflict Resolution – Episode 151 of The Action Catalyst Podcast

conflict resolution

In this week’s episode of the Action Catalyst Podcast, Rory shares his recent run-in with anger and his realization that anger is an emotion that needs to be managed. So much of the problems we have today are related to people trying to get along with one another – and not getting it.

Listen in to learn about the mentality and mindset of dealing with conflict and creating resolution in your relationships that matter.

Show Highlights:

  • Anger is a dangerous form of indulgence. @rory_vaden
  • Anger is a natural emotion and emotions must be managed. @rory_vaden
  • One of the highest callings of mankind is to learn to manage our emotions and to channel them productively into useful, purposeful and reasonable action that forwards our collective progress. @rory_vaden
  • “Are you going to allow your emotions to manage you or are you going to be the kind of person who rises up, takes control, and manages your emotions to achieve great things?” @rory_vaden
  • relationships develop not from the absence of conflict but by determining an agreeable pattern for how to resolve the conflict. @rory_vaden
  • Become a master of your emotions. @rory_vaden
  • Yelling is destructive because it clouds our judgement and ability to assess what is and what is not. @rory_vaden
  • Always start and end the conversation by affirming that you care about the other person. @rory_vaden
  • Be open to the idea that you made a mistake even if you’re sure you did not. @rory_vaden
  • Don’t speak in generalities and absolutes. @rory_vaden
  • Be hard on the problem, easy on the person. @rory_vaden
  • Work to be the first to apologize. @rory_vaden
  • Focus on trying to discover what’s right not who is right. @rory_vaden
  • Exaggerated language is often proof of exaggerated understanding. @rory_vaden
  • Belittling a person always shifts the focus from resolving the actual problem. @rory_vaden
  • Remind yourself that the person you’re talking to cares about the relationship and finding the resolution. @rory_vaden
  • Often you’re on the same team even if you’re not on the same page. @rory_vaden
  • Never ask another person to fill a hole in your life only God can fill. @rory_vaden

 

The Action Catalyst show is a weekly podcast that Rory Vaden of Southwestern Consulting™ hosts every Wednesday, which is regularly in the Top 25 of Business News Podcasts and has listeners from all around the world. The show shares “insights and inspiration to help you take action”. Each week Rory shares ideas on how to increase your self-discipline and make better use of your time to help you achieve your goals in life. He also interviews one very special expert guest and thought leader every week. Subscribe on iTunes and please leave a rating and review!

Harnessing Anger

harnessing anger

Anger is a dangerous form of indulgence.

I was once again reminded of this when recently I made the mistake of having an (ineffective) conversation based out of my anger instead of out of reason.

Afterwards it occurred to me that while feeling angry is certainly a very natural emotion, we must realize it is still an emotion.

And one of the highest callings of mankind is to learn to manage our emotions and to channel them productively into useful, purposeful, and reasonable action that forwards our collective progress.

To act out of only anger then is an immature practice of losing to one’s own emotion.

To operate out of sheer anger is a lack of self-control and a transparent admission of our inability to self-govern.

To retaliate solely in anger is to give up our humanity by foregoing our unique ability to reason.

If we enable our emotions to solely dictate our behaviors, then it is only savage instinct rather than beautiful intellect that shapes our lives.

Not only that, but allowing anger to dictate our actions is a demonstration of our own short sightedness.

Because when has acting immediately and only out of anger ever led to a long term sustained resolution?

Probably never.

It cannot resolve anything between two parties because anger is only one-sided. It is the ultimate expression of careless self-centeredness because it disallows you from considering any other person or perspective. You instead allow yourself only to be blinded by your own anger.

Which is why anger is, paradoxically, very weak.

Like all forms of indulgence, anger deceives us into thinking that giving into the short term temptation of allowing ourselves to be
is the best thing to do. But not only does it never lead to resolve, it in fact makes things much worse in the long run.

Like all emotions, anger can lead to good but only when it is channeled into careful, thoughtful, deliberate, peaceful and reasonable action.

So I suppose the question then for all of us is “are you going to allow your emotions to manage you or are you going to be the kind of person who rises up and instead masters your emotions?”

Servant Selling Salesperson Oath

servant selling salesperson oath

 My intuition tells me that for salespeople to survive in the future, more and more the market is not just going to prefer – but demand that they become servant sellers.

Perhaps we should all just go ahead and formally declare that we are one by taking an oath such as this.

What do you think? Anything you would add? Leave a comment below.

I am a Servant Salesperson
I never take advantage of people
I am a Servant Salesperson
I do not sell people things they don’t need
I am a Servant Salesperson
I never lie to or mislead customers
I am a Servant Salesperson
I am not timid about the value of what I provide but I do not pressure people
I am a Servant Salesperson
I trust that sooner or later I always get paid for how hard I work
I am a Servant Salesperson
I help people make decisions about what is best for them
I am a Servant Salesperson
I always over deliver
I am a Servant Salesperson
My sale isn’t complete until my offering has created actual improved results for my client
I am a Servant Salesperson
I work harder than everyone else
I am a Servant Salesperson
I teach people to overcome their fears
I am a Servant Salesperson
I am an expert in my field
I am a Servant Salesperson
I don’t allow people the useless indulgence of procrastination
I am a Servant Salesperson
I am bold, decisive, energetic and enthusiastic
I am a Servant Salesperson
I generate an abundance of leads and referrals
I am a Servant Salesperson
I always do the right thing and not the easy thing
I am a Servant Salesperson
I maintain and build long term relationships with my clients
I am a Servant Salesperson
I always offer fair and consistent pricing
I am a Servant Salesperson
I only sell products I am absolutely convicted on
I am a Servant Salesperson
I do not get nervous because my heart is always on service
I am a Servant Salesperson
I am honest
I am trustworthy
I am hardworking
I am powerful
I am unique
I am rare
I care
I serve
I believe in people
I believe in myself
I am a Servant Salesperson

Life Story with Angie Moss and Brad Moore: Conquering Complacency – Episode 150 of The Action Catalyst Podcast

conquering complacency

Angie Moss is a 25 year sales and sales management veteran with nationally recognized success spanning several different industries including real estate finance, healthcare, insurance, and printing/publishing.

Brad Moore started in the mortgage business in 2009 and started Southwestern Coaching in February of 2015. Brad is now the Vice President of BancorpSouth Wealth Management Financial Advisor, Infinex Investments, Inc.

 

Show Highlights:

  • What do you do after you’ve been successful? @rory_vaden
  • You must put your career goals down on paper. – Brad Moore
  • I had hit my goal but still felt guilty. – Brad Moore
  • Success is not represented by money you make or time you have but by the impact you have. @rory_vaden
  • Success is measured by the impact you’re making vs the impact you could potentially be making. @rory_vaden
  • Sometimes you need to spend time working on your business not in your business. @coachingbyAngie
  • Use the 10,000ft view to make a clear path from producer to leader. @coachingbyAngie
  • The quest is to stay away from complacency. @coachingbyAngie
  • The end is a moving target – Keep your feet moving. @coachingbyAngie
  • Success is like sanctification; you never actually get there. Once you allow yourself to feel like you’re there you’ve capped your potential. – Brad Moore
  • All the money, title, fame, awards and recognition eventually loses its allure, but a heart of service always inspires, motivates and sustains. @rory_vaden
  • 5 combatants of complacency –
    • Reduce Your Risk
    • Raise Your Expectation level
    • Create New Challenges
    • Invest in Significance
    • Focus on Giving

Learn more about BanCorpSouth, Click Here!

Interested in Coaching from Southwestern Consulting? Click Here!

The Action Catalyst show is a weekly podcast that Rory Vaden of Southwestern Consulting™ hosts every Wednesday, which is regularly in the Top 25 of Business News Podcasts and has listeners from all around the world. The show shares “insights and inspiration to help you take action”. Each week Rory shares ideas on how to increase your self-discipline and make better use of your time to help you achieve your goals in life. He also interviews one very special expert guest and thought leader every week. Subscribe on iTunes and please leave a rating and review!

How to Change Your Life

how to change your life

We like to think that all of the things we believe in our minds are factually true, but they often are not.

Because our brains don’t delineate between true and false. The brain doesn’t inherently know what is accurate and what is false.

So, instead we simply believe whatever we tell ourselves most often.

Whatever we hear or assume over and over again is what we accept as truth.

The human brain is much like a computer. It just enacts whatever programming has been put into it.

Like a computer, it also doesn’t delineate between good and evil, positive or negative, right or wrong.

Your brain simply does whatever you tell it to do.

And it believes whatever you tell it to believe.

Which is why self-talk matters.

And it matters gravely.

Because what you tell yourself about yourself is what eventually becomes true for you.

And if you’re like most people, you probably don’t even monitor the things you say about your own life.

Or if you do, you might think the whole concept of self talk is hokey- but it is not.

You are the author of your own life.

You dictate who you become by allowing certain thoughts to reprocess over and over and by disallowing others.

Your beliefs are not based on what is fact as much as they are based on repetition.

Just ask anyone who found out later in life that they were adopted, or discovered that a family legend never really happened. Or ask anyone of the millions of people who use to believe the world was flat, the sun revolved around the earth or that air travel was impossible.

They all had things in their mind that they “knew” for sure were true.

Until one day they found out they weren’t.

Similarly, you have beliefs about your own life that you accept as truth that aren’t really true or unchangeable. You have beliefs about what your capable of, what is possible for you, what you’re good at, and who you’re destined to be.

And whatever those thoughts are will determine your limits.

They will determine your happiness.

And they will determine your path.

So choose the words you use to describe yourself carefully.

You can’t call yourself fat and think it’s going to help you get in shape.

You can’t say you’re terrible at something and think it’s going to make you better.

You can’t tell your mind that you don’t deserve something and think it’s going to ever show up for you.

Because your brain will believe whatever you tell it to believe. And it will lead you to arrange your life in a way to allow for those beliefs to take shape as your reality.

So retire your self-limiting beliefs.

Destroy your old boundaries.

Let go of the negative things you were yesterday.

And rewrite your future.

Reinvent your possibilities.

And redefine the person you are becoming.

Do that now and never stop.