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The Misunderstood Truth About Conflict Resolution


We spend too much time trying to convince people that we are right and not enough time just caring for the people we are talking to.

No one cares if you were right or wrong.

No one cares if you were accurate or inaccurate.

No one cares if you did say that specifically verbatim or you didn’t.

Because as Maya Angelou so eloquently articulated, “people don’t remember what you said, all they remember is how you made them feel.”

So it doesn’t really matter if you did someone wrong or you didn’t – if they feel like you did then you did.

It doesn’t really matter if you lied or didn’t – if someone feels like you were dishonest then you were.

It doesn’t really matter if you were mean or you weren’t – if they feel like you disrespected them then you did.

We spend too much time splitting hairs over the actual semantics that were used or the specific minute details of what happened – and none of it matters.

What matters is how you make people feel.

Do you make them feel cared for?

Do you make them feel appreciated?

Do you make them feel loved?

Do you make them feel heard?

Do you make them feel sincerely apologized to?

Or do you make people feel manipulated?

Do you make people feel intimidated?

Do you make people feel unimportant?

Do you make people feel like they’re the one who is always wrong?

And although you can’t ultimately control other people’s feelings, it’s still a worthwhile use of your intention to focus on for two reasons:

 1. It helps you focus on what is productive with others and it keeps you from being distracted with the trivial details of disputes

2. It causes you to do the right things


Because there is only one sustainable way to make people feel a certain way…

It is to actually feel that way about them!

People have an uncanny sense of distinguishing between how someone says they feel and how they really feel.

Which means you have to do the work of actually caring for them.

You have to do the work of actually looking after them.

You have to do the work of actually loving them.

And that is often difficult, disciplined, but worthwhile work.

It’s difficult and it requires discipline because it requires us to get outside of ourselves.

It requires us to let go of what we want, our need to feel validated, and our desire to be proven right.

And we instead trade that in for a chance to serve.

A chance to listen.

And a chance to look after someone else.

So the question is not about what you did or didn’t do.

The only question that matters is “how did you leave them feeling?”

Why People Leave and Employee Loyalty with Scott Love – Episode 164 of The Action Catalyst Podcast

employee loyalty

Scott Love is a credentialed expert on the topic of employee loyalty with over two decades of high-level headhunting experience. With empirical research based on tens of thousands of conversations with professionals, he gives managers the secrets to keeping high performers, and keeping them happy.  As a former Navy leadership trainer and Annapolis graduate, he gives managers ideas on how to increase employee retention, boost morale and performance, and attract high achievers. 

Scott is a published author with his newest book, Why They Follow: How to Lead with Positive Influence, a business writer, a professional keynote speaker, and has been quoted in the Wall Street Journal, Selling Power Magazine, and dozens of business trade journals and newspapers around the globe. 

As a leadership trainer when serving as a naval officer, he trained thousands of officers, senior enlisted and civil service workers on progressive leadership concepts.  Scott currently recruits partner-level attorneys for international law firms.  He is a graduate of the United States Naval Academy and lives in Washington, DC. He is a watercolor artist, an amateur stand-up comedian, and is married with two children, one hamster, and one invisible dog.

Show Highlights

  • When people leave it is always for emotional reasons. @scottlove
  • Employees need recognition for what they do. @scottlove
  • The key is for managers to lead in a way that their employee connects meaning to work. @scottlove
  • The way to keep your employees is by connecting global corporate vision to each individual on the team. @scottlove
  • As a manager, my job is to help you do as well as you can here and give you tools so that if and when you leave it is going to improve your career. @scottlove
  • Sometimes the best thing you can do is give people space. @scottlove
  • As long as you have the right people in place they will accomplish the mission. @scottlove
  • People don’t leave companies, people leave people. @rory_vaden
  • There is not a shortage of good candidates, they’re just busy working. @scottlove
  • A lot of times we put too much emphasis on just pay. @rory_vaden
  • Meaning comes from the service we provide to people around us. @rory_vaden
  • Vision is not academic that checks boxes it is emotional statement that creates pictures in the minds of people. @rory_vaden
  • What is a company other than a collection of people? @rory_vaden
  •  If you have the ability to move people emotionally you have the ability to be a great leader. @rory_vaden
  • Great leadership is about moving people emotionally. @rory_vaden

To connect with Scott, get your copy of Why They Follow: How to Lead with Positive Influence and more on employee loyalty visit:

The Action Catalyst is a weekly podcast hosted by Rory Vaden of Southwestern Consulting every Wednesday. The show is regularly in the Top 25 of Business News Podcasts, has listeners from all around the world and shares “insights and inspiration to help you take action.” Each week Rory shares ideas on how to increase your self-discipline and make better use of your time to help you achieve your goals in life. He also interviews special expert guests and thought leaders. Subscribe on iTunes and please leave a rating and review!

How to Sell to 75% More People


It’s been said you should “treat other people the way you want to be treated.”

But in sales, that doesn’t apply.

In sales, it’s not about treating people the way you want to be treated; it’s about treating people the way they want to be treated.

Most salespeople sell the way they like to sell, but they are missing out on 75% of the population of people who are not like them.

A couple of my business partners, Dustin Hillis and Steve Reiner, are just releasing a book called Navigate 2.0: Selling the way people like to buy.

In it, they talk about the four distinct behavioral styles of buyers based on the chart above.

Fighters – Bottom line, cut to the chase types who like to get to the point quickly. They are fast-paced and task-oriented.

Entertainers – Gregarious, enthusiastic, life of the party people who love a good time and care deeply about being liked. They are fast-paced and people-oriented.

Counselors – Caring, considerate, team-oriented people who develop genuine relationships and make sure nobody is left out. They are typically a bit slower-paced and are people-oriented.

Detectives – Logical, intelligent, analytical detail oriented people who care about accuracy and fairness. They are also a bit slower-paced and are task-oriented.

No one behavioral style is better than any other, but they are all very very different – especially when it comes to how they buy.

You cannot sell like a Fighter to a Counselor and expect to make much progress. And if you’re a Detective, then when Entertainers try to sell you using their style you will be annoyed and put off.

You have to learn to Navigate. You have to go to their style if you want to sell them.

For a free 1-hour online video training with my business partner Dustin on how to do this visit:

How to Battle the feeling of being Overwhelmed


Today I am tired.

I feel defeated.

I’m overwhelmed by the incessant and never ending stream of emails.

I feel beaten down by the daunting list of tasks and projects that come in faster than I can keep up with them.

How is it that no matter how hard I work or how long I work I can never seem to be caught up?

I never seem to make a dent.

And even though I work and strive relentlessly, somehow I feel as if I’m a failure.

How is that possible?

And then I remember it’s only possible when I lose perspective.

It’s only possible when I forget what I’m really doing.

It only occurs when I lose sight of what success really is.

Success isn’t a zero inbox.

Success isn’t being all caught up.

Success isn’t feeling like everything is under control.


Success is knowing I am doing my best.

Success is being confident that I’m giving all I have.

Success is believing that I’m laying it all on the line in pursuit of worthy causes that support me and other people I care about.

Because if I’m doing my best, if I’m doing everything I know how to do, and if I’m trying to balance a lot of competing interests then I have nothing to worry about.

All anyone can ask me to do is the best I know how to do.

So I will keep perspective.

I will remain peaceful.

And I will work steadily as fast as I can and as slow as I have to.

But I will not trade my happiness and stress level for the impossible task of keeping up with all there is to do.

Instead I will do my best.

And rest easy knowing that is the one and only real thing I have to do.

Succeeding in the Speaking Industry with Brian Tracy – Episode 163 of The Action Catalyst Podcast

Speaking Industry

Brian Tracy is an Author, Keynote speaker and seminar leader. He addresses more than 250,000 people each year on the subjects of personal and professional development and has studied, researched, written and spoken for 30 years in the fields of economics, history, business, philosophy and psychology. He is the top selling author of over 70 books that have been translated into dozens of languages.He has written and produced more than 300 audio and video learning programs, including the worldwide, best-selling Psychology of Achievement, which has been translated into more than 28 languages.

Prior to founding his company, Brian Tracy International, Brian was the Chief Operating Officer of a $265 million dollar development company. He has had successful careers in sales and marketing, investments, real estate development and syndication, importation, distribution and management consulting. He has conducted high level consulting assignments with several billion-dollar plus corporations in strategic planning and organizational development. He has traveled and worked in over 107 countries on six continents, and speaks four languages. Brian is happily married to Barbara and has four children. Brian is active in community and national affairs, and is the President of three companies headquartered in Solana Beach, California.

Show Highlights:

  • Without self-discipline, hard work, and focus, you really can’t accomplish anything. @BrianTracy
  • “The Master key to riches is self-discipline” – Napoleon Hill
  • “Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.” – Albert Hubbard
  • Self-discipline is the catalyst or linchpin that makes all the other principles work. @BrianTracy
  • Manage your time, get organized, set priorities and determine most important thing and stay with it until it’s complete. @BrianTracy
  • I didn’t graduate high school so I thought washing dishes was my future. @BrianTracy
  • I had 3 major turning points in my life:    @BrianTracy
    1. Discovered I was responsible for my own life.
    2. Discovered the importance of written goals and plans.
    3. Discovery of personal development
  • Discipline yourself to do what you need to do to accomplish the goals that are important to you. @BrianTracy
  • Every high powered person is very responsible. @BrianTracy
  • I found the only way to be successful was to go back to basics. @BrianTracy
  •  My focus has been to teach people how to dramatically increase the rate at which they reach their goals. @BrianTracy
  • When speaking, romance your points. Give more stories and low it down so they can assimilate it. @BrianTracy
  • Rory shares his checklist for how to get started and to be successful as a professional speaker! @rory_vaden
  • The number one element for becoming a great speaker is: Be a student. @rory_vaden
  • It’s not about age time, it about stage time. @rory_vaden
  • Take charge of your own success. @rory_vaden
  • You can’t afford to wait to be discovered; your dream is too valuable. @rory_vaden
  • Don’t allow your pursuit of your dream to compromise your other targets. @rory_vaden

To connect with Brian and find materials on self confidence, goal setting and much more visit:

This is a special extended interview with Brian Tracy. The extended interview is all about wealth and successful habits of millionaires! To receive the extended bonus interview, send an email to with just your FIRST NAME in the subject line and it will be sent to you in an email format.

The Action Catalyst is a weekly podcast hosted by Rory Vaden of Southwestern Consulting every Wednesday. The show is regularly in the Top 25 of Business News Podcasts, has listeners from all around the world and shares “insights and inspiration to help you take action.” Each week Rory shares ideas on how to increase your self-discipline and make better use of your time to help you achieve your goals in life. He also interviews special expert guests and thought leaders. Subscribe on iTunes and please leave a rating and review!

The Myth of the “Lifestyle Entrepreneur”


There is a false dream being overly sold today. 

It’s is the facade of The Lifestyle Entrepreneur. 

It typically includes messages like work from anywhere, set your own schedule, be your own boss, drive a Bentley, and make passive income without doing anything. 

It’s a damaging dream because it’s a lie. 

My problem is not with the promotion of all the things you can have, such as some of those listed above. 

All of those things can become true…eventually. And there are lots of different types of pay for performance business models that can yield them over time. 

My problem isn’t with the dream they are selling, my problem is the dishonesty about what it takes to get there. 

Because the reality is that anyone who has built a successful business has worked their freaking butt off with really long hours, for a really long time. 

They have sacrificed and saved, they have hustled and worked, and they have been beaten down over and over and over again long before they ever had any of those things. 

Real achievers have tried and failed. They started over and got slammed. They kept at it when it never looked like they would make it. But they stayed committed, they fought, they bounced back and went through piles and piles of muck and mounds of setbacks. 

They’ve had a thousand opportunities to embrace any number of justifiable excuses that would have been accepted by any other reasonable person – yet they turned their back on those “outs.”

Every “Lifestyle Entrepreneur” I know that has actually made it is someone who has worked relentlessly to get where they are and they make no mistake about what it’s taken to get there.  

The people who have successfully built businesses are easy to spot because they are the ones who are talking about the truth. 

They are talking about how hard you have to work to get there. They are talking about all of the rejection you have to endure. They are talking about how many times they failed. 

Successful people have unmistakably learned that you do what you have to do until you’ve earned the right do what you want to do. 

So while they may have some shiny toys, big brands, and large followings, they would never promote how easy it is to get there because they know full well that it’s a lie. 

Robert Herjavec from the Shark Tank said it pretty well when he said, “If you are under the illusion that you can start a business and run it at your life’s schedule, you are mistaken. The business is like a starving puppy-when it needs to eat, then it needs to eat regardless of what you have going on personally.”

Gary Vaynerchuk also captured it nicely when he dropped this truth bomb, “people leave companies to start their own business thinking that it will somehow be easier. They are badly mistaken. What they will quickly realize is that if you thought your old boss was bad, in order for your own business to succeed, your new boss had better be a slave driver.”

So if you’re allowing yourself to be convinced that there is some easy path that you’ve missed out on – don’t be. 

If you’re scrolling through social media looking at the manicured versions of other people’s lives thinking they’ve figured out something that you haven’t – quit that. 

If you’re selling yourself that if you’re being asked to work hard you’re in the wrong business – stop it. 

Because chances are that if you’re doing anything that is hard, then it probably also has integrated into it a path to many of the great things you want. 

But it won’t come easy. 

And it won’t come fast. 

And it sure isn’t going to come from jaunting gleefully around the world working only 20 hours a week. 

Quit buying into the lies. 

Quit allowing yourself to be deceived. 

And instead, put your head down and go back to work. 

When you get tired, suck it up and go back to work. 

Then, when you’re ready to quit, go back to work. 

After you’re sure you can’t take anymore go back to work. 

Once you’re completely empty, keep going back to work. 

And one day, after you’ve done that, in one direction, for a really long time, you’ll look up and realize that the “Lifestyle” you thought you missed out on became your actual reality.