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How to Recruit Your Friends for Anything

Recruit

Job #1 of a leader is to A.B.R. – always be recruiting.

After all, how can you be a leader if there is no one to follow you?

And when it comes to recruiting, the best type of recruiting is personal recruiting- recruiting people who you already know and who know you.

We know that statistically, in almost every group, company, organization or cause, that when you recruit friends and family, they typically are successful sooner and they stay longer because there is already a foundation of trust that has been established.

But sometimes it can be awkward to approach family and friends about working with you.

“I don’t want to make things weird.”

“They probably wouldn’t be interested.”

“I’m sure they’re already so successful doing what they’re doing.”

These are just a few of the rationalizations we make that give us the pass from doing the sometimes uncomfortable work of bringing up a job or business opportunity with friends.

Or perhaps you’re trying to recruit them to volunteer for your cause or organization.

Or maybe you’re wanting to recruit them for your softball team or some other recreational gathering.

Or you might be trying to recruit them to give you money to support something you’re doing.

Regardless of what it is, we all end up in a recruiting situation sooner or later and we face fear when it comes to asking people we know to join in on our adventures.

And while I can’t promise you any magic tricks to automatically recruit everyone you ever talk to, I can share with you one powerful secret technique that I learned in my days becoming a recruiting record holder at Southwestern Advantage when I was in college.

The technique they taught us still works to this day and it can be applied to just about any recruiting environment.

All you say is this…

“John, you may not realize this but [insert opportunity] is really very important to me.

And I know that it may not be for you, and if it turns out that it isn’t that is perfectly fine.

However, I want to ask your help with something and make a promise to you…

Because I believe in you and I think you’re awesome, I want you to take a little bit of time to  come and formally learn about [insert opportunity] and how it works.

If you come hear about it and you end up deciding it’s not for you, that is totally fine! As long as you come hear about it, I promise I’ll never bring it up to you again.

However…

If you don’t come hear about it, then I’m going to bug you about it EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE YOU until you do!

And you know I will! But it’s only because I believe in you and I believe in [insert opportunity] so much and I think you might actually be into it.

But if it turns out you’re not that’s ok too.

So when do you think we could carve out some time to talk about it?”

And then all you have to do is simply keep both of your promises.

If they go through the formal process and decide it’s not for them, then leave them alone about it.

Don’t pressure them. Don’t make them feel guilty. Don’t keep bringing it up. Don’t be passive aggressive about it. Just let it go and move on from it until they re-approach you about it some day in the future.

But, if they don’t hear about it, then you freaking bug the crap out of them pleasantly but persistently until they finally do. 🙂

No matter what happens, it will turn out to be a good thing for both of you.

Are you hard to be friends with?

friend

Great relationships develop not from the absence of conflict but from establishing an agreeable protocol for working through disagreements amicably.

If you find someone who you can “fight” well with, then chances are you’ve found a friend for life.

Half of resolving disagreements though has to do with your end of the dispute. You have to be able to receive feedback and coaching from your friend in order to have a hope for restoring that relationship.

One weakness that I’ve noticed about myself in my own life is that I haven’t always been the best at receiving feedback.

At times, it turns out, I have been a D.I.P.

D. Defensive – When people offer you feedback, do you defend yourself? Do you explain yourself? Do you try to justify why you were doing what you were doing? None of those things make you a bad person but all of them make you difficult to communicate with.

You have to remember that when people are giving you feedback it’s as much about them having some emotion they need to express to you even possibly more so than it is about delivering useful information to you. If you defend, justify, or explain – even if it is fair points you are making – you make it nearly impossible for them to feel resolved because they feel like you never heard what they were trying to tell you.

Which now means they are upset with you about two things. The first is the thing they were originally upset about but the second is that “you don’t listen” which has now been added on top.

Instead of defending, justifying, or explaining instead try to just ask questions. Don’t try to teach them something, just respond to everything with a genuine question that gives more clarity and detail to what they are trying to communicate to you.

You can always decide later that they are just totally out of their mind crazy and that everything they said had no value or truth to it whatsoever. But for now just listen. Ask questions. And take notes. Say “tell me more.” Then give yourself a day or two before you respond.

I. Insecure – When people offer you feedback, do you get emotional? If you do, it is almost a clear sign that you are insecure about something. Because when we are insecure, our brain starts to mental mushroom and it tries to attach meaning as to why this person is saying it what they are saying.

Our brain starts to run off in crazy directions adding extra meaning to what they are saying and coming up with crazy scenarios about why they are saying it – which makes it impossible again for us to actually be listening to them.

We respond emotionally to what we “think” they’re saying instead of just listening or processing what they’re actually saying.

P. Personal – When people give you coaching about how something you’re doing could be improved, do you internalize it as if they’re saying something is wrong with you?

It’s so easy to forget that just because someone is critiquing our technique, doesn’t mean that they are challenging our character.

Do your best to not make their feedback mean anything more than what they’re saying. Stay focused on the isolated behavior and instance of the behavior they are offering a suggestion on. Don’t extrapolate it into what their personal feelings may be about you.

If you ever feel yourself starting to get emotional when you’re receiving feedback, that’s a good sign that you’re being a D.I.P. – just like I have been.

But there is no need to be. Instead just be coachable, adaptable, curious and open to change.

For it is a great sign of maturity when you can seek to understand even when you have simultaneously been misunderstood.

Who Trusts You?

Who Trusts YouThe most powerful idea I learned last week at the National Speaker’s Association national convention was from Hall of Fame Speaker, Chairman of Great Harvest Bread Company, and President of High Point University, Nido Qubein when he said: “It’s not about who you know; it’s not even about who knows you- it’s about who trusts you.”

The business world today revolves around trust and your most powerful asset is the people in your corner who trust you. Nido was challenging us to identify who those people really are and to work intentionally to strengthen our relationship with those people.

Here are a few ways to identify who the people are around you that already trust you…

  1. Who will help you for no reason at all?
  2. Who is enthusiastic about advocating you and your ideas?
  3. Who asks you for help with their most important projects?
  4. Who gives you access to their most prized possessions?
  5. Who will risk their reputation for you?

Nido – an incredibly successful person both financially and as a leader – shared with us that for most of his career he has had a “Top 100 List” of people who trust him that are key influencers. He deliberately works that list to send them gifts, call them for no reason, and just stay proactively in touch.

Who are the people that trust you? And what are you doing to pour into them?

P.S.  The other huge lesson that I learned from Nido is he said “When building wealth it doesn’t matter what your ordinary income is and it doesn’t even matter what your discretionary income is. The only thing that matters is what your “investable income” is.

The Not Forgotten Ones

Each day I meet so many new and exciting people.

Yet, it also creates a somewhat sad and natural wake of people in my past that I’ve unfortunately lost touch with.

My connection to them however still runs deep because of how they have loved me. Because of how they have helped me. Because of how they have believed in me.

Anything that I have done, and everything that I am, is in part due to each person I have met.

I may not talk to you as much as I would like to
I may not see you nearly enough
I may not send you the things I probably should

But you are not forgotten.

You are loved.

You are missed.

And I am so thankful…

For you.