Trust is what makes all relationships work. People are perpetually evaluating our trustworthiness. When we have their trust, we move through things quickly; we make progress. But once we lose someone’s trust, we attach a weight to the possibility of ever making progress.
Some people may be more trusting than others, but regardless of whom you are dealing with, here are seven ways to lose trust:
1. Be selfish. The more you pursue your self-interest, the less I can ever believe that you’ll take mine into consideration. And if you aren’t looking out for me, then how could I ever trust you?
2. Be protective. True trust reciprocates. Yet, if there is something that you have that you are holding onto as “yours” then that means it will never be “ours,” which means we aren’t sharing and we aren’t in this together. If you want my heart, or my money, you need to first share yours.
3. Be ungrateful. Granting someone the gift of your trust is a demonstration of incredibly vulnerability. And there is no faster way to cause someone to close off their heart to you then when you don’t acknowledge their gifts and at least their attempts to satisfy you.
4. Be self-centered. Selfish means keeping things to yourself but self-centered means thinking only of yourself. Neither one works for building trust because if we are going to have trust, then I need to know that you are considering my point of view and how the impact of your choices will affect me. Trusting a self-centered person is a voided one-way street.